FINISHED

Well I am done. My radiation ended Friday December 12th. I am doing great and can't wait to get back to a regular life. I still have some treatments and doctor appointments but I feel like the big stuff is behind us. I will return to work in March and then hopefully have my reconstruction surgery in June 2010. So i have some weight to lose but I have had a great start 27 lbs gone 33 lbs to go!

So I want to thank everyone for all your support.


Alana

Well phase 3 is about to begin. Radiation starts Nov 5th and happens everyday for 25 days. It seems to be fairly simple. But I must admit that with this beginning the last of the treatments i am nervous. As much as i would like my life back, I know it will not be the life i used to have. My life has changed forever. The change will be some for the good but also for the bad. I feel like I just found out there is no Santa- my innocence is gone. I now know life is short and is never what you think.I will forever live with the what if it comes back.....? They changes how you look at all events, days, holidays,birthdays everything. I think that is good. A clean look at things and sometimes that is good too. What will the future bring? I don't think anyone knows that answer but we can all look to be positive, happy and healthy.

My List

1. My kids because I am better for them.
2. Darren because he drives me crazy but I could not live without him
3. My family because they love me.
4. Movies because they make me laugh,cry ad be somewhere else.
5. Boys who wear their hat backwards because it's just HOT.
6. Tea because it always feels good.
7. My coworkers because they are wonderful people and amazing at what they do.
8. Ladybugs because they are tiny but strong.
9. My doctors because they wanted to grow up and save people.
10.My friends because they love me no matter what.
11. Cheezies because they are good.
12. Music because it makes you feel
13.Children's laughter because it's pure.
14. A new baby's cry because it is the sound of life.

See it is easy start your own list.
Happy Thanksgiving all.

What does it mean to be thankful?

For as long as I can remember I have looked forward to Thanksgiving. But not because I was into the hoilday or really truley understand the whole thing but because it was the first holiday in the school year.When i was a kid it was an extra day off and more sleep, as grew older I enjoyed the sleep and the supper. You know you would say you were thankful for any number of things but this year it feels different. Have i really at 37 years old discovered what it means to be thankful.
I remember my first Christmas dinner with Darren's grandmother- Nan, about half way thorough dinner she said she hopes she will be here next year. I thought what is she talking about...then a few days later it was her birthday and she said the same thing. We joked about all the time but I get it now. She was thankful, thankful for the time she was here for the experiences she was had.
So this Thanksgiving I will enjoy the extra day off of school, the sleep in, the dinner and the time with my family. But most of all I will be thankful for just having the chance to have the experience. I am thankful for lots of stuff. Here is my list in no particular order, make your own list...When you can find anything good read your list ad I bet you will smile.

Just a little update to let evryone know I am doing fine. My surgery went well, I have some pain but not bad. I can move my arm well and have been getting around. We did the Run for the Cure on Sunday and it was great. We all got wet but a little rain could not stop us!!!

I can not beleive it has beem since July that I have written here but I guess time flies when you are having fun. I am a week away from surgery Oct 1st. and I am unsure how I am feeling. I think is like my hair loss. I am okay with the idea of no hair or no breast but I am unsure how I will react. Losing my hair was difficult because I could not hide the fact that I was sick. No hair ment something was wrong- I could no longer hide behind my smile. Now, they will take my breast. I am not attatched to it- I never had a second thought when I was diagnosed I knew regardless of what they said I was having both removed I was going to do this once and beat it and never look back.But everytime I see my body from now on I will know I was sick. I will be happy the cancer is out of my body. But unsure how I will feel about all the rest. Sometimes I am afraid that when treatment will stop I will be unable to get my old life back. I do not want to live my life as the "girl who has cancer" I want to be able to go back to being that loud mouth who has an opinion about everything.

The other thing that has been driving me crazy. Is that no matter where I turn someone has died of cancer or there is a show about breast cancer or on a show someone dies of some kind of cancer. I know it is just because I am more aware but sometimes I would like it to not be in my face. If I can live in my little bubble I can get on with my day- stay strong and be positive.
I have had so many positive things come out of this experience. I know that sounds strange it feels strang saying it but I have had so many people reach out and touch me and my family that it is hard not to see the positive in that.

I don;t if I have ever said this here in my blog but when I was preparing for pink ribbon night at the feild i knew i would g=have to speak and thank all those who attended.When I was preparing my notes I reliezed something that had never entered my mind before. I like most people hope that the church is filled with people when I die because that would mean I touched people in my life. But what I realized, is that I have a life that is full of people and that it does not matter how many people are there in my death but how many are in my life. I have learned a great lesson enjoy the people in your life everyday.

Today I finished my treatments for round 4. Wed. I had my chemo and today i recieved a new drug hercepton. The chemo is a new drug and I handled it very well, a little tired but no sickness. The herception is a new drug that I must have because I am HER2 positive. My tumor tested positive for HER2 receptor and progesterone positive, so I require more drugs after the chemo is finished. I take herception IV for a year, every 21 days and then I take another drug Tomoxofin for 5 years. Both drugs should help with all the receptors and keep the cancer away!!!
So just 2 treatments left then a little break to recover then I will have surgery. Start radiation and themn in the new year go for reconstruction so look out a new women by March!!!!