FINISHED

Well I am done. My radiation ended Friday December 12th. I am doing great and can't wait to get back to a regular life. I still have some treatments and doctor appointments but I feel like the big stuff is behind us. I will return to work in March and then hopefully have my reconstruction surgery in June 2010. So i have some weight to lose but I have had a great start 27 lbs gone 33 lbs to go!

So I want to thank everyone for all your support.


Alana

Well phase 3 is about to begin. Radiation starts Nov 5th and happens everyday for 25 days. It seems to be fairly simple. But I must admit that with this beginning the last of the treatments i am nervous. As much as i would like my life back, I know it will not be the life i used to have. My life has changed forever. The change will be some for the good but also for the bad. I feel like I just found out there is no Santa- my innocence is gone. I now know life is short and is never what you think.I will forever live with the what if it comes back.....? They changes how you look at all events, days, holidays,birthdays everything. I think that is good. A clean look at things and sometimes that is good too. What will the future bring? I don't think anyone knows that answer but we can all look to be positive, happy and healthy.

My List

1. My kids because I am better for them.
2. Darren because he drives me crazy but I could not live without him
3. My family because they love me.
4. Movies because they make me laugh,cry ad be somewhere else.
5. Boys who wear their hat backwards because it's just HOT.
6. Tea because it always feels good.
7. My coworkers because they are wonderful people and amazing at what they do.
8. Ladybugs because they are tiny but strong.
9. My doctors because they wanted to grow up and save people.
10.My friends because they love me no matter what.
11. Cheezies because they are good.
12. Music because it makes you feel
13.Children's laughter because it's pure.
14. A new baby's cry because it is the sound of life.

See it is easy start your own list.
Happy Thanksgiving all.

What does it mean to be thankful?

For as long as I can remember I have looked forward to Thanksgiving. But not because I was into the hoilday or really truley understand the whole thing but because it was the first holiday in the school year.When i was a kid it was an extra day off and more sleep, as grew older I enjoyed the sleep and the supper. You know you would say you were thankful for any number of things but this year it feels different. Have i really at 37 years old discovered what it means to be thankful.
I remember my first Christmas dinner with Darren's grandmother- Nan, about half way thorough dinner she said she hopes she will be here next year. I thought what is she talking about...then a few days later it was her birthday and she said the same thing. We joked about all the time but I get it now. She was thankful, thankful for the time she was here for the experiences she was had.
So this Thanksgiving I will enjoy the extra day off of school, the sleep in, the dinner and the time with my family. But most of all I will be thankful for just having the chance to have the experience. I am thankful for lots of stuff. Here is my list in no particular order, make your own list...When you can find anything good read your list ad I bet you will smile.

Just a little update to let evryone know I am doing fine. My surgery went well, I have some pain but not bad. I can move my arm well and have been getting around. We did the Run for the Cure on Sunday and it was great. We all got wet but a little rain could not stop us!!!

I can not beleive it has beem since July that I have written here but I guess time flies when you are having fun. I am a week away from surgery Oct 1st. and I am unsure how I am feeling. I think is like my hair loss. I am okay with the idea of no hair or no breast but I am unsure how I will react. Losing my hair was difficult because I could not hide the fact that I was sick. No hair ment something was wrong- I could no longer hide behind my smile. Now, they will take my breast. I am not attatched to it- I never had a second thought when I was diagnosed I knew regardless of what they said I was having both removed I was going to do this once and beat it and never look back.But everytime I see my body from now on I will know I was sick. I will be happy the cancer is out of my body. But unsure how I will feel about all the rest. Sometimes I am afraid that when treatment will stop I will be unable to get my old life back. I do not want to live my life as the "girl who has cancer" I want to be able to go back to being that loud mouth who has an opinion about everything.

The other thing that has been driving me crazy. Is that no matter where I turn someone has died of cancer or there is a show about breast cancer or on a show someone dies of some kind of cancer. I know it is just because I am more aware but sometimes I would like it to not be in my face. If I can live in my little bubble I can get on with my day- stay strong and be positive.
I have had so many positive things come out of this experience. I know that sounds strange it feels strang saying it but I have had so many people reach out and touch me and my family that it is hard not to see the positive in that.

I don;t if I have ever said this here in my blog but when I was preparing for pink ribbon night at the feild i knew i would g=have to speak and thank all those who attended.When I was preparing my notes I reliezed something that had never entered my mind before. I like most people hope that the church is filled with people when I die because that would mean I touched people in my life. But what I realized, is that I have a life that is full of people and that it does not matter how many people are there in my death but how many are in my life. I have learned a great lesson enjoy the people in your life everyday.

Today I finished my treatments for round 4. Wed. I had my chemo and today i recieved a new drug hercepton. The chemo is a new drug and I handled it very well, a little tired but no sickness. The herception is a new drug that I must have because I am HER2 positive. My tumor tested positive for HER2 receptor and progesterone positive, so I require more drugs after the chemo is finished. I take herception IV for a year, every 21 days and then I take another drug Tomoxofin for 5 years. Both drugs should help with all the receptors and keep the cancer away!!!
So just 2 treatments left then a little break to recover then I will have surgery. Start radiation and themn in the new year go for reconstruction so look out a new women by March!!!!

It has been a long time since I have blogged. I am not sure why but I was not feeling like I had anything to say. I know really, me having nothing to say Ha! But now I do so I have logged on.
Today I recieved a package in the mail. It was wrapped in pretty pink paper and was sent to me by my friend Sharon and many of her friends ALL of whom I have never met. You see many moons ago Sharon moved to NB to chase a boy and she now lives there happily ever after. I met Sharon at my first grown up job and instantly connected with her, her spirit, her kindness, and her love for doing good. So after the packaged arrived it got me to thinking. Why did she send it? She did not have to. That got me thinking why has anyone done the wonderful things they have done since I have been diagnosed? I have not done anything special for any of the people who have extended me such kindness. Yes, I try to be kind, fair and honest but I am far from perfect. I am not sure that I understand why they all have been so wonderful.
It is strange really because some of the big gestures that have been extended to me are well beyond anything I could have every asked for or thought of for myself.(Thank you my HIS family).
Every day someone from my HIS family bakes my family dinner or something yummy. Why? Some of the families I have a personnell connection because I taught their child but most only know me as the Rising 5's teacher. So why prepare a meal, a good meal for someone they just know.
Darren's ball team are fundraising and walkking in the Run for the Cure for me. Why? We are having a Pink Ribbon night to help raise money and the team we are playing are Halifax Pelham Electric are buying and wearing hats with pink P's. Why? They don't know me.
This past weekend some of my relatives put up with freezing weather and rain to have a yard sale to help our family finanicially.
Then there is all the small gestures. Cards in the mail, cleaners coming to my house, people looking after my children, taking me to appointments, sitting with me during chemo and just the kind words people have extneded to me. People letting me now they are saying a little pray for me, keeping me in their thoughts or just asking me how are things.
My true friends and family have stepped up to the plate, as we would say in our house and truley shown me that they are there for me and my family. Each day brings so many emotions but to day I feel grateful.
Grateful for my children,
Grateful for my husband,
Grateful for my family,
Grateful for my friends,
and grateful for all those who have extended us kindness.
There is no way I will every be able to say THANK YOU or even repay the kindness shown to us. But I can say that I will fight this disease and WHEN I am better I will pay it forward.

Thank You to all ......

Alana
xoxoxoxo

Today I had my third treatment it was fine. I am feeling alright now, I ate some chicken (thanks Nissa) but not alot of room for food yet. I will sleep most of it off and hopefully feel better tomorrow.
Darren's ball team is walking in the Walk for the Cure in my honour so we have begun to sell pink baseball hats. And with the help of a few good sellers we have sold 75 hats. Don't worry we are ordering more you can get one through me or at the ballfield on Thursday nights. All the proceeds will go to the DRY Fund. Thanks again if you have bought one.

Alana

It has been a little while since I have blogged. But not much has happended. This round has kinda made me tired and I have been napping each day for a few hours. i was able to go to Ty's feild trip on Monday which was great for me I was just a mommy not a teacher it feels great to have some of those moments now at school. It is nice to go and be a parent.I miss school everyday, I love what I do ans being away lets me know how lucky I am to do what I love everyday. Yes it is hard some days but what good things are not hard sometimes.
Today I wentto the doctors witha friend to have a prenatal check up. Onmy way how I thought why is my face hurting and I realized I was smiling so much my face hurt. I have not smiled that hrad in a while. It got me thinking what things trueluy make me smile or truely make me happy. So here is my list, make your own list.
In no particular order.

1. To hear a baby's heart beat (that's what made me smile today)
2. The way my children greet me after being at school all day.
3. Hearing my children laugh, belly laugh.
4. Watching a child do something for the first time.
5. A BIG snow storm, the kind your stuck at home and can't go anywhere.
5. Listening to children talk, when they think noone is listening.
6. To hear someone is pregnant.
7. The sound of the bat when a ball is hit hard.
8. Sitting quietly with my husband.
9. Watching my boys play with their Daddy.
10. Spending time with my friends.
11. Hearing an "old" song on the radio, that reminds me of my youth.
12. Winning... at anything really.
13. Having a nap in the middle of the day.
14. A good cup of hot chocolate.

I could go on really if I think about it but I guess this is a start. IT is helpful to remember what makes you smile when sometimes you feel like there is nothing to smile about.
Today I SMILED. I hope you do too!!!

I am home from the Relay for Life walk. It was a very unique experience. I had no idea what was going on so I went with a crazy idea Iwas walking around the Hill. But it turned out we were inside the fort. Which was really cool. Idid not releize until we were all done and packing up that we had spent the night inside fortrese. The relay it self was fun everyone took turns walking and napping. The kids had a ball. They walked, they ate, they played then they crashed. I had a little nap but they played music and games most of the night so it was a little loud.
They start the night off with th e"Survivors Lap" which was really moving, people of all ages walking together. We started walking and walking and waliking and walking we walked alot.
About half way through, they lite the way with lumanaries in memory off those who have died and honour of those who are still fighting. All the teams walk the route in silence. It was very powerful and overwhelming for me.

We finished stong and wet. Great time, we are already talking next year!!!

WOW it is June. i can't believe it is June already. Today we went to the radiologist appointment and surprise good news. I will be able to have radiation next. That means i can possible have both my surgery and reconstruction at the same time.!!!!!That is great news for me one surgery and no real transition time with no boobies. Now i just have to get bank to losing the weight the plastic guy wants me to lose before he will shape me beautiful. Really i only have to lose Ty. 64 lbs not much. So i have 6 months 10 lbs a month I can do it right. Well i bought salad stuff and no more pop and coffee...mostly because they make me want to barf but motivation enough. Next I have to come up witha good birthday gift for Dewie....38 he is old.
Big month 4 birthdays, one wedding, one stagette, one chemo treatment. So much to do so little time. Ahhh I must have a nap then take on the laundry.

I am so excited. We just came back from Allergria. Emily, my niece was sick,so she could not go so Ty and I got to go with the girls. It was truly amazing. The way those people twisted and turned and flew throught the air...amazing. They were so strong and fit OMG they were fit. At the begining one of the musicians sat down beside Ty he was terrified. He wanted to know if any one else was going to come sit down. The rest was cool he did not mind the people so much. Good day.!

Today although tired I am feeling better. We went to Ty's FAIR. My school does not do report cards so FAIR is the big thing, anyway Ty's class studied Dinosaurs, he was very excited but nervous but he did great.

Treatment #2 DONE. Today was alright. Tasha came with me and we had a great chat.Feeling good. I am very excited that the PENS made it to the Stanley Cup Finals. Bring home the CUP Sid!!!!! Tired and hungry I am sure how this chemo diet is working...I am always hungry. AHHHHHH!!!!

I have no hair. It is fascinating to me how much attention we pay to something that after it is gone you hardly notice. Until you see yourself in the mirror of course, then you notice. I am getting used to it and the kids don't even comment on it. I have gone out without "my hair" and just worn a hat and it seems okay. I am sure people notice but i feel okay. It really is just an accessory. I have put on a little eye makeup when i go out just for a little help... look at my eyes not my bald head or my fake hair.
I am excited on MOnday i see my plastic surgeon. I didn't think i would ever have a plastic surgeon but here i am..I have to go to see what my options are for reconstruction..little doe this guy know i have it all worked out. I will be having two new boobies courtesy of my baby fat. I knew i was saving that for something good. It is funny to me i still call it baby fat...I dont have a baby anymore i have a 2 year old almost three, so should i call it toddler fat? I guess it does not matter what i call it because I am now going to put it to good use- two perfectly shaped C's maybe D's will shall see how much he might need. A tummy tuck would not hurt anyone either. Look! I am looking for any silver lining I can get. Remember I am bald.
Tuesday I make another trip to the clinic and then Wednesday a little poison to round out the week. Good times....
Check ya soon.

It is official. The hair is going. As most of you who know me, know I don't care much about the girlie stuff- hair, make up, clothes etc... I really have not thought alot about my hair falling out- it just hair it will grow back, but now that is going. I am feeling a little sad. I am not sure if it is about the hair or if it means I am really sick. When I see people (women) with no hair, no eyebrows I know they are having treatment. So now that woman will be me. Yes I can wear a wig or a hat but at the end of the day- I have no hair because every 21 days a nice nurse pushes poison in my arm to kill a disease that I don't want to kill me.

Well its started....my hair is falling out.Just little bits but enough that I have noticed. Not really sure how I am feeling about it but it has begun...I feel really good physically today. The best i feel like a I have turned the corner only 10 more days until another shot of the good stuff.My children are off on a playdate and I am going to read more of my book...I know me reading a book- a book with no pictures and morethen 10 words on a page. My girl Leigh Ann gave me Lance Armstrongs' book it is really good. Thanks Bird!!! I must go I am writting my list of things to do this week. Oh so much time.....in between blood,tests and poison. What's a girl to do!!!?

Well here I am 7 days post first treatment. I am actually almost feeling like myself. I notice being really tired and not able to do as much or for as long but I guess that is what happens when you take poison.I am finding myself realy hungry. Which is not helpfulI was hoping for the chemo diet but it does not look like it is a weight loss program but a weight gain. All the more for reconstruction I guess....

I have almost made it back to the land of the living. Really tired but nothing i did not expect. I have a little head cold but all is good. I will write more later when all are asleep.

Well, well, well. Not words used in my house these days. We had to take Ty to the ER on Thursday evening he was not well. He was admitted early Friday morning an has been there ever since. he has pneumonia on the right side. He is on IV antibotics hopefully they will let him out tomorrow. He is having a good time being feed and having someones undeivideded attetion for hours on end.He has become a Skip Bo champ and his new favorite is WAR. He still does not take the "L" very well but he is trying.
I have been doing alright with treatment but I must admit I am really tired. Still some stomach issues but no v@#*t.

Alana

What actually happens....

A lot of peole have been asking about what happens when I go for chemo so I thought I would give ya the run down. I get an IV,then I have some saline put throught about 25 min. Then they give me two drugs for nausea via the drip takes abot 20 min, after those drugs the nurse manually pushes through the first two chemo drugs it takes about 20 min, then they give a third drug via the drip then another bag of saline another 15 min. So all in all it takes about an our and a half. Then I get to go home. I have a drug regimend that I have to follow for a few days after to help with the nausea but other then that no more drugs until next time.


Off I go to see if they are going to kill off my Izzie....

Day two post chemo
Not bad still feeling a little stomach upset but other then that all is good. I amm hoping all will continue to move in a good direction and then maybe i can come to the Benefit for school or at least make an apperience. I need that romance basket....NO hair,chemo and two little kids . I need all the help I can get. Hahhah.
Off to do some laundry fun fun fun . I do now what your thinking...I wish I had her life. LOL

Today was my first treatment. Things are alright a little nausea but i ate food so i giess thats a lesson learned. I was really hingry and they said i could eat but my belly does not really like it so much. I am really tired so i am off to bed. Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers.

Alana

I Wish You Enough was sent to me by a wondeful friend who lives her life in my opinion just like the story. She gives all she can give and is truly someone who I wish enough for each day.
Love you Suzanne. Thank you for laways making me smile and cry.

I Wish You Enough
Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.
Standing near the security gate, they hugged & the mother said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough.'
The daughter replied, 'Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom.'
They kissed & the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated.. Standing there I could see she wanted & needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'
'Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'.
'I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead & the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral,' she said.
'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?'
She began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.' She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail,she smiled even more. 'When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.' Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.
I you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive & everlasting..
I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.She then began to cry and walked away.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them.TAKE TIME TO LIVE... ...
To all my friends and loved ones,
I WISH YOU ENOUGH.
Thank you for all your thoughts and prayer

The night before chemo...need I say more. :(

Well I have waited a few days in the hopes that my entry will be much more exciting. Well, I should say my life will be much more exciting but we all know that ain't gonna happen. I did have a great weekend. I went to my godson's first communion,a birthday party and a wedding shower. I loved them all it is nice to see people happy, it allows you to remember the little things are the things that are important. This brings me to my next idea i am going to pick a topic or you can pick a topic and then i will write about what i think---challenge me. See what i think--you all know i have an opinion about everything- you just might know what it is... but I might surprise you. Today's topic
"The Little Things"...

What does that really mean? We have all heard don't sweat the small stuff or it is the little things that matter. So which is it no sweat or it all matters. I think it depends on what you call the little things. Is it truly the things you do everyday that after years of doing them become the little things in your day? I would say it is those little things ,everyday things. Those are the things you remember from your childhood and your life. yes i remember the day I was married(today actually 7 years ago) the day my children were born, but those are life changing moments. But what i remember from my life are the little things; when we used to visit my Grampie on Chittick Ave. He had this tiny little coin purse and he would give each one of us a quarter and we would walk down to the store and get a treat. I don't remember how old I was but a remember that change purse. The little things. I remember my sister buying my first pair of knee pads . They are rotting somewhere now, but i remember. I don't remember when Darren told me he loved me for the first time...but I remember when he told me it last.(10 min ago when he hung up the phone) the little things.
I know watching my children sleep is the my favorite time of my day. Not just because they are quiet and are not moving, cause that helps, but because in that moment they are totally innocent and are unaware that my every thought,breath and heart beat is for them.
So, I do think the small things are important because they will remember the fun and the play and all the good stuff. So, the next time you are ready to pull your hair out because the bathroom looks like a pool deck, remember what they look like asleep. The the floor won't look so bad.

I am so glad my rain dance worked and the fires are out in Herring Cove and area. I am beginning to think this BLOG may make me more depressed then happy. Really !it is making me realize how absolutely boring my life really is....seriously. Today I went to the dentist twice, that;s another story and made a crown and did laundry and played with Mickle and that is it!!See my entire day can be summed up in one run on sentence. I am going start making up s*$t to make it more exciting! Write tomorrow.

Today is just a blah day. The fires are keeping my mind off all the rest. I hope everyone I love is safe and warm and has a home to go back to.

WOW !!!! WOW!!! WOW!!!
I just came home from my schools musical it was fantastic. I love being part of such a great place. I know we are not perfect all the time, but tonight we were. Heather J did a fantastic job, the kids were amazing. So much talent in such a little place. I loved every mintute. I have to go and watch Grey;s to see ifthey kill Izzy of with cancer-- seriously could that not have written in something else like a rare blood disorder or something...anyway..


Thinking of all in Herring Cove and around keep safe.

Tonight 2 of my nieces, Kaylyn and Drew came over and we dyed a pink stripe in our hair. It was wonderful for them to do "something" to show they wanted to help. Thank you my girls I LOVE YOU!!! Pictures to follow soon..
I got my teeth cleaned today 3 cavities.. great so now I have to 3 fillings all at one time. My luck needs to change or somethin'. I am very excited that I get to go to the musical tomorrow.

How do I become a follower of my followers???? Help!!!!

AHHHHH continued

Sorry, I was going to try on some wigs and my drive was there... I had fun actually trying on different hairstyles without any cutting or commitment. I have choosen three differnt styles oh the choices when your bald.... Stay tuned and see the many styles of Alana...and yes tell the kids there is a Hannah Monhana in there. I could be Alana Montana...who knows.

i wonder what I will do tomorrow ..so many choices so much time. Tic toc....

AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Well guess what NO chemo...tomorrow. I have been put off a week.I am am annoyed to say the least. My Dr.Finn is worried about my statas as an OTC patient(very long story but the short is my family carries a defiecency in liver functions that bad things can happen if your body is put under a variety of stressors.) I am only a carrier and have never been affected or effected not sure...Valerie? anyway buy the deficiencey. But because my doc loves me he wants to wait until they have an ancedote on hand at the hospital just in case. So although I am greatly annoyed that I am waiting AGAIN. It is the safer thing to do. So next Wednesday" May the 6th is the big day. Don't write that in pen anywhere you will just waste the ink ..."pencil " it in. Haha!

But on the positive side. while i was waiting for my turn...to get weighed...dont they know it is bad enough to have a giant tumor growing in your body no they have to weigh you everytime you go. Like I need to se that number over and over.......Anyway..
I meet a wonderful lady in the waiting area who gave me a wig. I know sounds strange but it is true she heard Darren and I talking...keep ya posted gotta go for now

First and Last Day of Leisure

Well today was the first day of my "vacation". I thought if I call it something fun then maybe it won't seem so bad. I had a list of things a mile long to get done, so I dropped "The Mickle" (Mitchell) off at daycare and off I went...Walmart, Zellers, Children's Place and Winners all before 11 o'clock. Did not finish my list but spent a few $$$$$$. Then I had lunch with a cute boy. On my way home I thought how easy I had it for the morning. I had not broken up one fight, I did not ask anyone if they had to pee, nor did I wipe one snotty nose. A huge change from my usually Monday morning tasks. I did do some chores when I got how so it was not all fun and games.

I am very excited we have filled one team for Relay for Life. I have some sponsors THANK YOU. but feel free to collect some pennies and send them my way.

Alana

Today was my last day at school. It was great day. We had a great pink pary. The kids ate cake, candy and pink lemonade. I truly work with great grown ups and great kids. I will miss you all. Thinking of you all. Thank you Dawn, Megan and Jill for the party and the cards.

Just got good news for a change.. My test results came back all good. There is no trace of spreading.

To bring everyone up to date:
I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma- Breast Cancer
Wednesday April 29th will be my first session of Chemo.
I will be on a 21 day cycle that will last 6 sessions (end of August).
After that I will have surgery and then a round of radiation.

Now that you are up to date.
My family has put together a Relay for Life team (June 5th).
If you would like to support us you can by going to Canadian Cancer Society and follow the prompts. To pledge a participant- my team name is Alana's Angels. Thank you all .

It was suggested to me to start a blog to help communicate information to all those who are interested in my journey through Breast Cancer. I thought for a long time about what having a blog would mean. Would no one call? Would anyone look? Would I want to keep it up? I don't know any of those answers, but I do know that it may just be helpful to me to say what I want when I want. Please comment when you want, ask questions when you want. I will blog when I can and respond when I can.